The Promised Purpose

Noise. A lot of noise. That’s what distracted me the most. From my focus. From my solitude. From my peace.

This is not a kind of noise I hear from tangible loud places but the kind of noise I hear from my own thoughts. These are my insecurities, doubts and anxieties about “what could’ve been” and “what could be”.

The only thing that made me stumble so hard is when I lost my faith in THE PROMISE. Just because I didn’t see it coming led me to my impatience, longing and settling for its counterfeit, and pretending I am happy with it when I am actually not. Temporal happiness, yes. We make this common mistake in our walk with Christ, don’t we? But then I knew the eternal one would speak to me in joy and peace. It honestly never did, even from the very first step that I made towards it. Confusion kept coming in yet I was persistent. Why do I keep on settling for this? I asked myself several times.

I gracefully acknowledged my wilderness. It was like knowing the answer was a big NO, but because I thought the promise was long overdue, It is now worth to try to give my best shot at another. Not another promise but just for a strong, fleshly human desire. A desire I had for 7 long years. Assessing myself was hard and so is keeping my actions justified. Trying to work it out drained my soul as I saw clear recurring patterns from my past. It’s taking the usual route to come back for me, reminding me of what kind of a woman I was then and making me forget of how redeemed I am now. I knew it was not helping me turn my human scars into something beautiful at all. It will add new bruises unto it. It will cause me to go through the same pain to endure and the same tears to shed all over again. I snapped out of it as fast as I can. I knew, that through God’s saving grace, I had to master the art of self-control to keep me off of my own ocean of disaster. I once had enough of it and I chose not to run in the same dark circle all over again ’cause He who has promised is faithful. I claimed this for years and at another place and another time, God saved me. Again. Now, I am fully confident that God molded me in obedience through the years for such a time as this.

THE PROMISE is in highlight after all of it. My longing was replaced with so much fulfillment. The kind that brought me to a place of a fulfilled purpose. Yes, unmet desire but with fulfilled purpose. The irony. How can we think of an unmet desire with all disappointments and frustrations be a fulfilled purpose? For what purpose? What is purpose?

Purpose – the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists

                – intention, aim, goal; object to be kept in view

                – old French “porpos”  – an aim, intention

God, as a high supreme being, creates and allows something of which He knows whatever the result will be. Either us being wretched, adamant, wandering or lost, He still unconditionally fulfills His predestined purpose. Slowly, gently and surely. He will bring out your best character through pain and suffering. We have the will of choosing what to endure despite foreseeing the possibility anyways. God is just faithfully gracious enough to still turn things around for our own good. And that’s what I’ve forgotten to take heart in when I made my choice to step out of His will. He is a God of security. Not of deceit and lies. A God of wisdom and depth. Not of distraction and shallowness. And a God of mercy and love. Not of condemnation. He will bring you back to His faithful promises. Along your perilous journey, He will teach you not to settle and compromise for your own fleshly desires which will lead you to the latter chaos. He will constantly remind you that His plans are greater than yours and it takes a lot of humility to surrender to it. And in surrender, you will find His peace and protection. You will see the richness of His glory.

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!
      I look to you for protection.
I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings
    until the danger passes by.
I cry out to God Most High,    to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.
He will send help from heaven to rescue me,
    disgracing those who hound me. 
My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness.

Psalms 57:2

I have the greatest reward after all these. Finding Jesus in my midst. With Him, I gained peace in my soul and a sound mind. Letting go of my own desire was painful but seeing the THE PROMISE and PURPOSE through God’s lenses makes me ecstatic for the greater joy that is coming. Though phases we have to go through while waiting are not easy, we could take time to reflect and assess ourselves every time we carry on for change. We need to embrace the process in order for us to get there. There is purpose in waiting. That is God’s promise. A promised purpose.

Keep going, child of God. Shalom!

-MJ